There are tons of posts about how to care for yourself physically and mentally once you go through a major breakup. However, when you need guidance to make it through this difficult time spiritually, there aren't as many checklists available.
The intention behind this post is to be something akin to medical discharge paperwork. Steps to follow, think about, and to understand the normal impacts of breakups and/or heartbreak.
1. Stop Watching General Tarot or other General Readings.
If you aren't into readings, then skip to tip #2. However, if you are, understand that watching, many times in an obsessive manner, can stall or sabotage your healing. I did a podcast about some of those concerns. Check it out. Don't get me wrong, there are some benefits when watching posts that are uplifting. However, it is when you end up watching 4, then 8, and then 20. Each time waiting to hear what you are hoping to hear. Then what happens when you hear the "golden ticket" that nugget of inspiration? You have hope. I know, when did hope become something bad? Well, it is not bad, unless it keeps you living in the past and waiting for something to happen. In the "waiting" you don't move forward. You are paused, in a life worth living. Not trying new experiences or meeting new people, because "he/she will be communicating and expressing their undying love and commitment". Sure, that could happen, but standing still and holding your breath "hoping" it will is no way to live. Go live, explore, grow; what is meant to be will happen. Sometimes the relationship you want to hold on to was meant to be a lesson, not a lifetime.
2. Stop revisiting old text messages, emails, old photos, and voicemails (do people still do that?).
I know this part is a real challenge for most, but it is also one of the most important. For many, these are were some of the best, happiest memories reside. Sitting on your phone, computer, and hanging out in your photo albums (do people still have these?). Each interaction, snapshot, poems, and emoji is a reminder. A reminder that at one time this was a healthy, happy connection. It brought you happiness and a time that made you smile and wish for more of the same. Sadly, this is not where you and your ex occupy anymore. When you go back to those times, you risk getting stuck in the "Land of What If" or lost in the "Valley of Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda". Neither are these places are ones to visit after a break-up. There are times where visits to those places can facilitate growth, but for now, those places are better left off your GPS. Delete messages, unfriend, stop following and get rid of reminders. Yes, easier said than done. There may be other connections to those items outside of the relationship. Only you can determine what is safe to keep and what is best for it to be wiped away from your accessible reach. These don't only carry a mental tie, the also carry energetic frequencies that can make the separation harder.
3. Get honest with yourself.
Sure, at one time this connection was one that made you happy and brought joy into your life. However, you are not in the same space anymore. This is the time where you need to be honest with yourself. If you still feel a pull or yearning for that person, ask yourself why. Unpack that feeling. Is it an honest representation of how you feel about that person and relationship, or is it more about an unfulfilled need you have neglected within yourself? Is it the person's laugh you miss or just the routine you repeated daily. Are you just scared of being without him/her or is it more about your fear of being alone? Be gentle with yourself when asking these questions. While difficult, it is a necessity in the spiritual healing after a heartbreak.
4. Pick a winning team.
Find supporters in your healing. Read that again, "supporters in your healing". You may have many friends and family members that you can call in the time of need. However, not everyone is equipped to stand in the void with you. (hear more about the void in this podcast) The person or people you need on this team are people who are not judgemental but honest. They will respond to your pain with love and grace, not judgment and their grand plan on how this should be fixed. They know how to listen but also hear you. This team should have the goal of support and growth, not name-calling and revenge. Your team should be comfortable with you venting one day about how horrible the relationship was and listening to you cry about how much you miss it the very next day. Healing is a process, and the people on your team will cheer you on through it all. If you have not found anyone to be on this team, looking into coaching is also a possibility. Emotional Intelligence Coaching is an option and you can learn more about that by visiting our very own Nicole V.
5. Take a trip to your time machine.
This tip sounds weird, I know. However, it is something that has proven effective for many of my clients. Take the time to remember who you were before this relationship. Remember who you were before you met him/her. When was the last time you were happy and/or at peace before this relationship? What were your hobbies, favorite pastimes, the music you listened to and the places you visited? Find you again. The frequency of happiness back then is still available to you now. It's like how you smell some popcorn on a spring day and you are back to a little league game at the baseball field. It is not just the smell you remember, it is the experience. Find your peace again and know that it is always available to you when you change your focus to that frequency. It is much like a radio, you hear what you tune into. Make sure you are listening to what brings you joy.
6. Beware of the gum on the shoe.
Many times after cord-cutting, healing, or mercury retrograde :) ...the ex sometimes decides to come back. It can be a truly frustrating situation. After all, that time crying, purging, and healing; they want to return to the picture. This can not only be frustrating, but it can also elicit a sense of panic on what to do. This is something that is determined by many factors. How the relationship ended, why it ended, and have those concerns been addressed and corrected. Only you can make that determination to allow this person back into your life. However, be careful that the individual doesn't end up like that soft gum on your show; an influence you can never really seem to remove from your energy. There are things such as soul connections and contracts but I will save those for another post.
7. Forgive and grow.
This is probably the most important part of spiritual healing after a break-up. Allowing yourself to forgive the individual who you were once connected to but more importantly yourself. Forgive yourself for anything you feel guilty about as it relates to the relationship and its ending. Understand that at the time, you did the best you could within the circumstances. It doesn't matter who is at fault or who called the relationship off, take the positive parts as fond memories and grow from the rest. Healing only happens when you make the choice to remove yourself from the murky waters of doubt, pain, and guilt. From that dark murky water, the most beautiful things can grow.